Everything I have wanted I will take it all...

Fri, 30 Jan 2009 14:45:43 GMT

Hey, I got a new LJ!!

ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥ ricecakestar♥

I'll be using that one from now on so please comment in my Friends-Only post and add me (or add me back if I've already added you on my new LJ)~♥

Thank you!! ♥ ありがとうございました!! ♥ 谢谢您!! ♥ 감사합니다!! ♥ Thank you!!

Writer's Block: You Wouldn't Understand

Thu, 29 Jan 2009 01:37:30 GMT

Almost everyone coins or uses expressions that make sense to only a few people. What word or phrase do you use most often that you have to explain the meaning of to others?

View 500 Answers

Well...I think the most said one would be...Nya. XD

Nya is the Japanese sound word for a cat's "Meow" sound and I've gotten into the habit of saying it randomly in between my sentences or just for no reason at all.

Any others that I probably use have escaped my memory for the time being XP So unfortunately for me, "Nya" is the only one I can remember XD

Nyaaa~ >< *whining*

Love Hurts A Lot : Kim Jongwoon (Yesung) : Tazza (War of Flowers) OST

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 00:21:23 GMT

난 숨을 쉴 수 없어요 I can’t breathe
nan su-meul swil su ob-seo-yo
길을 잃어 버렸죠 I’ve lost my direction
ki-reul ilheo beo-ryeot-jyo
내 기억이 매말라 버려서 My memory’s breaking into pieces
nae ki-eok-i mae-mal-ra beo-ryeo-seo
그런데도 그댄 태연히 아무 상관 없겠죠 But you’re so calm because it has nothing to do with you
geu-reon-de-do geu-daen tae-yeon-hi ah-mu sang-gwan ob-ket-jyo
마지막 일거라고 애써 꺼내죠 Do you even want to take away the last bit?
ma-ji-mak il-keo-ra-go ae-seo kkeo-nae-jyo

미안해 정말 미안해 Sorry, really sorry
mi-an-hae chong-mal mi-an-hae
이 말조차도 미안해 Even when I say this I feel apologetic
yi mal-cho-cha-do mi-an-hae
잠시면 우린 모두 잃게 될테니까 In a short while, we might lose everything
cham-si-myeon urin mo-du il-ke dwil-de-ni-kka

사랑 참 아프다 너무 아프다 Love really hurts, it hurts too much
sa-rang cham a-peu-da neo-mu ah-peu-da
쉼없이 날 웃게하고 끝없이 나를 울린다 I keep smiling yet crying endlessly
swim-eob-si nal ut-ke-ha-go ggeut-eob-si na-reul ul-rin-ta
사랑 참 우습다 정말 두렵다 Love is really funny, really frightening
sa-rang cham uh-seum-ta chong-mal du-ryeom-ta
제발 이제 그만 꿈을 깨게 해줬으면 좋겠다 Please, stop it now, if only I was able to wake up from my dream
je-bal yi-je geu-man ggum-eul ggae-ke hae-jwo-seu-myeon joh-ket-da

잊지마 제발 잊지마 Don’t forget, please don’t forget
it-ji-ma je-bal it-ji-ma
그런 거짓말도 괜찮아 Even if it’s all lies, it’s okay
geu-reon keo-jit-mal-do gwaen-chan-ha
잠시면 우린 모두 잃게 될테니까 In a short while, we might lose everything
cham-si-myeon urin mo-du il-ke dwil-de-ni-kka

사랑 참 아프다 너무 아프다 Love really hurts, it hurts too much
sa-rang cham a-peu-da neo-mu ah-peu-da
쉼없이 날 웃게하고 끝없이 나를 울린다 I keep smiling yet crying endlessly
swim-eob-si nal ut-ke-ha-go ggeut-eob-si na-reul ul-rin-da
사랑 참 우습다 정말 두렵다 Love is really funny, really frightening
sa-rang cham uh-seum-ta chong-mal du-ryeom-ta
제발 이제 그만 꿈을 깨게 해줬으면 좋겠다 Please, stop it now, if only I was able to wake up from my dream
je-bal yi-je geu-man ggum-eul ggae-ke hae-jwo-seu-myeon joh-ket-da

그리워 네 이름을 부를때마다 When I’m longing for, and calling out your name
geu-ri-wo ne yi-reum-il bu-reul-ddae-ma-da
겁이 날 만큼 떨려올 만큼 사랑했었다고 Once anxiously and timidly loving you
keom-yi nal man-keum ddeol-ryeo-ul man-keum sa-rang-hae-seot-da-go

믿고싶다 Want to believe
mit-go-sip-ta
가슴이 멈춘다 Stop breathing
ka-seum-yi meom-chun-ta
눈물이 찬다 Resist the tears
nun-mul-yi chan-da

쉼없이 날 웃게하고 끝없이 나를 울린다 I keep smiling yet crying endlessly
swim-eob-si nal ut-ke-ha-go ggeut-eob-si na-reul ul-rin-da
사랑 참 우습다 정말 두렵다 Love is really funny, really frightening
sa-rang cham uh-seum-ta chong-mal du-ryeom-ta
제발 이제 그만 꿈을 깨게 해줬으면 좋겠다 Please, stop it now, if only I was able to wake up from my dream
je-bal yi-je geu-man ggum-eul ggae-ke hae-jwi-seu-myeon joh-ket-da

Randomness Post : About Meh

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 01:09:40 GMT

I lack inspiration rght nw, so I decided to make a post so peopl can get to know e better^^

And because I felt like it, hehe xDD

Well, enjoy reading ~~I'm really not that interesting, I may bore you to death xP~~

------

Name: su-shii *not really xP*

Birthdate: november 22

Birthplace: north central bronx hospital

Current Location: in a box

Eye Color: chocolate brown

Hair Color: chocolate brown

Height: 5' 1"

Weight: 100 lbs >.< I'm getting fat xP

Piercings: None, sadly

Tatoos: Nope

Boyfriend/Girlfriend: Is it anybody's business if I'm dating anyone?

Overused Phraze: that's not nice >.<

FAVORITES

Food: Flan x33

Candy: Big swirly lollipops

Number: 3, 4, 6, 17, 18 xD

Color: Red, Black, Purple, Silver

Animal: White Wolf

Drink: Chrysanthemum Tea

Alcohol Drink: I don't drink

Bagel: Plain with Cream Cheese

Letter: K

Body Part on Opposite sex: Eyes and hands

This or That

Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi

McDonalds or BurgerKing: Burger King

Strawberry or Watermelon: Watermelon

Hot tea or Ice tea: Ice Tea

Chocolate or Vanilla Vanilla

Hot Chocolate or Coffee: Both xDD

Kiss or Hug: Hug >.< I'm not good with personal contacts

Dog or Cat: Cat

Summer or Winter: Summer

Scary Movies or Funny Movies: Scary

Love or Money: Love

YOUR...

Bedtime: School Days: 10:00 Holidays: 12:30

Most Missed Memory: 8th Grade

Best phyiscal feature: Eyes and Hair

First Thought Waking Up: Oww...

Goal for this year: Must get enough money to buy two K-musik albums

Best Friends: Janin, Vy, Diana, Jenna

Weakness: Don't know...

Fears: Blood

Heritage: Vietnamese *and proud of it*

Longest relationship: 1 year >.<

HAVE YOU...

Ever Drank: No

Ever Smoked: No

Pot: No

Ever been Drunk: No

Ever been beaten up: No

Ever beaten someone up: I'm too nice too >.<

Ever Shoplifted: Not that I remember of >.>

Ever Skinny Dipped: In my bathtub maybe xD

Ever Kissed Opposite sex: Besides my dad, nope

Been Dumped Lately: Nope

IN A GUY/GIRL

Favorite Eye Color: Black or chocolate brown

Favorite Hair Color: Black

Short or Long: Short, or longish *like shoulder-length*

Height: Taller than me

Style: Punk rock xD

Looks or Personality: Nice smile, pretty eyes, caring personality, strong, smart, decent-looking, funny, good-listener, likes things I like, and ASIAN *I'm not racist or
anything*

Hot or Cute Both xDD

Drugs and Alcohol: No way...the alcohol is an exception...like if it's occasional like at parties or something >.>

Muscular or Really Skinny: Ah...in the middle xDD Like slim

RANDOMS

Number of Regrets in the Past: A lot...

What country do you want to Visit: South Korea!!

How do you want to Die: Quietly

Been to the Mall Lately: Nope =.=

Do you like Thunderstorms: Yes^^

Get along with your Parents: I suppose...

Health Freak: Not really...I'm somewhat average about that

Do you think your Attractive: Not really, no

Believe in Yourself: Somewhat

Do you Smoke: No

Do you Drink: No

Shower Daily: In the morning

Been in Love: Yes...

Do you Sing:

Want to get Married: One day...when I'm in my late twenties xD

Do you want Children: Yes...no more than three though...>.> I've already seen enough chaos in my family

Have your future kids names planned out: Hero, Nabi, Luna xDD

Age you wanna lose your Virginity: The hell?!

Hate anyone: Can't bring myself to hate anyone =.=

-----

Well, hope you don't think I'm even wierder nao xPPP

:D I'm not that wierd ~~hopefully~~

The Letter Meme

Tue, 02 Sep 2008 01:14:17 GMT

Okay, I got this from volatileflame and thought it might be something fun to do^^

"A Letter Meme: comment and i'll give you a letter; then you have to list ten things you LOVE that begin with that letter. afterward, post this in your journal and give out letters of your own."

She gave me the letter P, which was really hard to do, considering many of my loves/likes do not start with P >.<

Well, here goes. *hey I tried my best* *much thanks to music_loner who helped me with a few of them^^*

Pajama Party : Both the SJ-Happy MV and the actual thing xDD

Purple : The color, the Purple Line MV, a lot of things that are purple and pretty

Pink : Because it reminds me of Heechul and Sungmin xDD

Park Jungsu : aka Eeteuk *curses other SJ members for not having names that start with P*

Park Yoochun : Dandy Boy!! *damn the rest for not having names that begin with P >.<*

Polaris Cover by Yesung : Yes, something that's related to Jongwoon-oppa!!

Pompoms : So poofy...

Paris : It's such a beautiful place and my aunt on my stepmom's side sends us French chocolates from time to time xD

Princess : aka Heechul x3

Pumpkin : Sweet pumpkin Sungminnie x333 *huggles him* *gets bricked*

Pocky : So delicious~~~ Don't know what it is? Click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pocky

Puppies : You cannot deny their cuteness x333

Primroses : They have a sweet scent^^

Porphyry : Porphyry patterns are pretty...and so is the word xD

Pale : Ivory complexions are so luminescent, like moonlit. They appear so ethereal and angelic *goes off into a dreamy state*

List of Fanart Requests : As of 083108

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 16:43:15 GMT

Okay, as of August 31, 2008, these are all the requests I've gotten so far. I've organized them by username, character, and other additions or comments the person requesting added. Several of them may contain notes added by me as well, for my own personal reference/use. If you do not wish to be spoiled, do not read the struck out notes.

Fanart Requests :

Username: arksky
Character(s): Kangin/Yesung
Other: love/hate relationship

Username: renichifreak
Character(s): EunHae pranking either Kangin or Heechul
Other: Eunhyuk possibly with long hair (i.e. SJ Show ep 18)

Username: phonyphonic
Character(s): Shiwon protecting Han Geng from evil!Heechul
Other: **Shiwon carrying Han Geng and Heechul with an evil grin

Username: keopi
Character(s): Donghae/Sungmin
Other: ~~Cute (chibi, hugs, etc.)~~

Username: 1jet2unknown
Character(s): Kangin/Eeteuk or Eunhyuk/Sungmin
Other: Playful bullying ~~(poking perhaps?)~~

Username: angelic_driver
Character(s): Han Geng/Yesung
Other: Something cute and chibi-esque (YeHan Korean classes?)
~~*Possibly both of them sharing a scarf on a snowy day?*~~

Username: resomisosoup
Character(s): Shiwon/Yesung
Other: Yesung pulling Shiwon's shirt up and looking at his abs in surprise saying
something like "Wow, they're so big!" or "Wow, are those real?" and Shiwon would be
stiff and blushing and maybe looking away for help

Username: ivy_snowe
Character(s): Heechul/Henry
Other: Heechul comforting Henry ~~*Only13 is getting to Henry and he's crying, perhaps?*~~

Username: music_loner
Character(s): EunHae
Other: ~~Clingy Eunhyuk and clueless Hae~~

Username: inny_cent
Character(s): EunHae
Other: ~~Protective Hyukkie, sleeping Hae~~

Username: rokkugo_ogukkor (Rokku)
Character(s): Kyuhyun/Sungmin
Other: default icon at the moment
(URL: http://i34.photobucket.com/albums/d142/kissquiz33/header1.jpg)

Username: raknakondee
Character(s): Kyuhyun/Sungmin
Other: KyuMin are mad at each other

Username: g_myzo
Character(s): Yesung
Other: Yesung is lying on a field of grass, and the wiew angle is as if someone is
beside him, and his hand is reaching out like he's going to take someone's hand and
protect them forever, or something to that effect.

Username: teukie_oppa
Character(s): Shiwon/Sungmin
Other: Sungmin sitting with his knees up and Shiwon is hugging him from behind

Username: hoyah
Character(s): HoSu
Other: ~~Yunho watching Junsu sleep on his lap~~
Pictures: http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/4135/000k2zrwse8.png

Username: lucid_acolyte
Character(s): Heechul/Han Geng, Heebum
Other: Heechul is holding Heebum while Han Geng is hugging his waist from behind.
*maybe Han Geng's head is resting on Heechul's shoulder possibly...*

Username: baby_buggs
Character(s): Yesung/Kibum
Other: ~~Possessive Yesung clinging onto Kibum~~

Username: baby_buggs
Character(s): Kibum/Ryeowook
Other: Both of them sitting, Ryeowook sitting in between Kibum's legs as Kibum is
hugging his waist from behind

Username: baby_buggs
Character(s): Kangin
Other: ~~Kangin sleeping underneath a tree~~

Username: shadowtailmon
Reference:
-MV: http://www.crunchyroll.com/media-360350/Tegomass-Ai-Ai-Gasa-English-Subtitles.html?h264=1

-Pictures:

--Tegomass: http://www.flickr.com/photos/weeeek/2425943773/sizes/o/

--Shiwon: http://www.flickr.com/photos/21979549@N04/2121421895/sizes/o/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/22205550@N00/sets/72157602082489492/

--Sungmin: http://www.imeem.com/groups/AxsNlWng,sung_min_oppa//forums/K_aO8nej/C8iz-mSJ/which_hairstyle_do_u_like_best_for_sungmin/
http://clubimgfile.paran.com/shinbyeol/pds/2007/1220/1198093974_1191852381_4.jpg
http://a7.vox.com/6a00cdf3a4f624cb8f00d41442d5976a47-500pi

--Eeteuk: http://www.flickr.com/photos/21979549@N04/2122199064/sizes/o/
http://www.flickr.com/search/?q=teukie&w=all&s=int

--Koyama: http://www.flickr.com/photos/news_nippon/1941781336/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/news_nippon/1941781336/

Character(s): From both SuJu and Tegomass in order to my top two to more optional (in
case you get to lazy to add more)
1. Tegoshi and Masuda with their big shower caps XD (if you decide to only draw these
two can you make them spraying at each other? if you do more please have them raining
down on the people then)
2. Siwon and Sungmin as the boy and girl under the umbrella (you can guess which
roles they have XD)
3. Teukie scolding at Tegomass (since Teukie would suit the role of an umma angel)
for watering on them (Tegomass would be ignoring Teukie though)
4. Koyama running in the far background with an umbrella for (I've always wanted to
see both SuJu and NewS ummas together XD)
I will not add anymore to waste your time. It you get fancy yourself, you can doodle
some random SuJus playing in the rain. (there shouldn't be enough space though...)

Other: The pic would be the same as the MV (Tegomass raining down on a couple (or each
other but with SHOWER CAPS and not hoses), but on a cloud and not sitting on their
ladders XP) and if added Teukie would be beside them scolding for doing that. Siwon
would be the holding the umbrella with Sungmin. Siwon cause he can think (in those
thought clouds) and say 'Thank you god' (it fits the role XD) and Sungmin because I
want to see Sungmin drawn (you can even add his Mr. Bunny XD). X3 Koyama, if added in
the background, would be trying to give Sungmin his umbrella. I totally switched
their umma jobs for the other band. XD

[requests] Fanart

Sat, 30 Aug 2008 00:11:43 GMT

REQUESTS ARE CLOSED. Due to the overwhelming ~~and surprising~~ amount of requests I've gotten in response to this post, requests will be temporarily closed until I finish all the ones I've recieved thus far.

To everyone that requested, thank you for your requests, and I promise I will get all of them done even if it's the last thing I do.

Annyeong^^

Due to my lack of inspiration and ideas for my art, I've decided to take up fanart requests^^

Anything TVXQ and Super Junior I can basically do, but I warn you, I absolutely suck at drawing kissing scenes and anything of that sort.
But other than that, anything TVXQ and Super Junior I can basically guarantee that I can draw it^^

But if you'd like me to draw fanarts pertaining to other fandoms (Big Bang, SS501, BoA, TRAX, J-pop/J-rock groups, and other fandoms I'm not familiar with ~~yet~~) then I'd very much appreciate if you can give me several good pictures (HQ, face close-ups, full length pics) for me to use as reference.

That said, feel free to request away. But I think after at least 10 requests, it'll probably take me longer to finish and post up. But I will finish them and I will post them^^

Requests will be closed whenever I feel like it XDD

Please comment in this form:

Username [So I know who I'm doing it for] :
Character (s) [if I'm not familiar with the fandom, also mention it here.] :
Pictures [for reference] :
Other :

And just so I don't forget...

Username : arksky
Character (s) : Kangin/Yesung
Pictures : None
Other : love/hate (complex) relationship

Thank you^^

Writer's Block: What You'd Accomplish if Success Was Guaranteed

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 22:24:41 GMT

Knowing beforehand that you wouldn't fail, what would you attempt to do?

Submitted By tightjeanzz

View 500 Answers

Hmm...I would probably attempt to pass the SM Auditions or do the SHSATs again. But there's more of a chance of me doing the first one, since I've always wanted to be singer in the K-pop industry.

Yup that's what I would do^^

Writer's Block: The Meaning of Love

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 03:23:11 GMT

What does love mean to you, and why? Have you always felt this way?

Submitted By rynanne

View 500 Answers

Love is...confusing to me. I have the belief that true love and happy endings exist but so do tragic break-ups and unforgettably painful endings. I believe that love is always both agonizing and heavenly, but you can experience one without the other. Love is sweet and nurturing but it can also be like acid eating away at your heart the longer you keep it inside. But once it is confessed and rejected, the shattering of the heart is the worse pain of all.

Love is the feeling of being completely whole with that one person, no matter what the cost is. Love is feeling truly happy when the one you love is happy, even at the cost of your own happiness.

[meme] whee~~~

Sat, 23 Aug 2008 23:53:17 GMT

Hehe I copied this from arksky, hehe

Thought it might be fun to do^^

MEME TIME!♥

RULES:
_ Pick your birth month.
_ Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you.
_ Bold (or italicize) the five-ten that best apply to you.
_ Copy to your own journal, with all twelve months under a lj-cut.

NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. ~~Can become good doctors.~~ Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. ~~Well-built and tough.~~ Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. ~~Homely.~~ Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. ~~Not able to control emotions.~~ Unpredictable.

JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highly attentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
-
FEBRUARY: Abstract thoughts. Loves reality and abstract. Intelligent and clever. Changing personality. Attractive. Sexy. Temperamental. Quiet, shy and humble. Honest and loyal. Determined to reach goals. Loves freedom. Rebellious when restricted. Loves aggressiveness. Too sensitive and easily hurt. Gets angry really easily but does not show it. Dislikes unnecessary things. Loves making friends but rarely shows it. Daring and stubborn. Ambitious. Realizes dreams and hopes. Sharp. Loves entertainment and leisure. Romantic on the inside not outside. Superstitious and ludicrous. Spendthrift. Tries to learn to show emotions.
-
MARCH: Attractive personality. Sexy. Affectionate. Shy and reserved. Secretive. Naturally honest, generous and sympathetic. Loves peace and serenity. Sensitive to others. Loves to serve others. Easily angered. Trustworthy. Appreciative and returns kindness. Observant and assesses others. Revengeful. Loves to dream and fantasize. Loves travelling. Loves attention. Hasty decisions in choosing partners. Loves home decors. Musically talented. Loves special things. Moody.
-
APRIL: Active and dynamic. Decisive and hasty but tends to regret. Attractive and affectionate to oneself. Strong mentality. Loves attention. Diplomatic. Consoling, friendly and solves people's problems. Brave and fearless. Adventurous. Loving and caring. Suave and generous. Emotional. Aggressive. Hasty. Good memory. Moving. Motivates oneself and others. Sickness usually of the head and chest. Sexy in a way that only their lover can see.
-
MAY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Strong-willed and highly motivated. Sharp thoughts. Easily angered. Attracts others and loves attention. Deep feelings. Beautiful physically and mentally. Firm Standpoint. Needs no motivation. Easily consoled. Systematic (left brain). Loves to dream. Strong clairvoyance. Understanding. Sickness usually in the ear and neck. Good imagination. Good physical. Weak breathing. Loves literature and the arts. Loves travelling. Dislike being at home. Restless. Not having many children. Hardworking. High spirited. Spendthrift.
-
JUNE: Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. Hesitating, tends to delay. Choosy and always wants the best. Temperamental. Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Able to show character. Easily hurt. Prone to getting colds. Loves to dress up. Easily bored. Fussy. Seldom shows emotions. Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious. Executive. Stubborn.
-
JULY: Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.
-
AUGUST: Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride in oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.
-
SEPTEMBER: Suave and compromising. Careful, cautious and organized. Likes to point out people's mistakes. Likes to criticize. Stubborn. Quiet but able to talk well. Calm and cool. Kind and sympathetic. Concerned and detailed. Loyal but not always honest. Does work well. Very confident. Sensitive. Good memory. Clever and knowledgeable. Loves to look for information. Must control oneself when criticizing. Able to motivate oneself. Understanding. Fun to be around. Secretive. Loves leisure and traveling. Hardly shows emotions. Tends to bottle up feelings. Very choosy, especially in relationships. Systematic.
-
OCTOBER: Loves to chat. Loves those who loves them. Loves to take things at the center. Inner and physical beauty. Lies but doesn't pretend. Gets angry often. Treats friends importantly. Always making friends. Easily hurt but recovers easily. Daydreamer. Opinionated. Does not care of what others think. Emotional. Decisive. Strong clairvoyance. Loves to travel, the arts and literature. Touchy and easily jealous. Concerned. Loves outdoors. Just and fair. Spendthrift. Easily influenced. Easily loses confidence. Loves children.
-
NOVEMBER: Has a lot of ideas. Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. Can become good doctors. Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. Patient. Stubborn and hard-hearted. If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. Does not appreciate praises. High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. Homely. Hardworking. High abilities. Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable.
-
DECEMBER: Loyal and generous. Sexy. Patriotic. Active in games and interactions. Impatient and hasty. Ambitious. Influential in organizations. Fun to be with. Loves to socialize. Loves praises. Loves attention. Loves to be loved. Honest and trustworthy. Not pretending. Short tempered. Changing personality. Not egotistic. Take high pride in oneself. Hates restrictions. Loves to joke. Good sense of humor. Logical.

Writer's Block: Music and Moods

Fri, 22 Aug 2008 17:13:47 GMT

How do different types of music relate to your moods?

View 500 Answers

Ah well, slow and sad ballads make me feel sad, while fast and upbeat songs make me feel hyper and happy.

J-rock songs inspires me to write angst or one-sided love fics, while happy pop songs make me write fluffy fics. Bubblegum pop makes me want to dance and write crossdressing kink fics ~~wierd, i know xD~~ and love songs make me write sweet and sentimental fics.

Basically the musik I listen to makes me want to write different types of fics. Or makes me feel like crying uncontrollaby or ridiculously hyper and bubbly.
Whatever works, I suppose xDD

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 18:04:15 GMT

As requested by my sister and also for the 100 SJ Fic Challenge. Hope you like, oh-insane-and-strange sister of mine (you know you love me xD)

Title: The Master of Online Gaming

Genre: Humor

Rating: G

Pairing: Eunhyuk//?? *guess who*

Summary: Eunhyuk loses to an unknown rival in his favorite online game. Little does he know, his mysterious rival is actually closer than he thinks.

------

100 SJ Fic Challenge

063. Video Games

------

Eunhyuk pressed the buttons on his keyboard vigorously, a grin splitting his face when he beat yet another challenger in his favorite online game.

He was the undefeated champion, a title that he had stayed up countless sleepless nights to obtain. No one had yet to beat him and he wasn’t about to let anyone do that now.

At the moment, the house was empty except for him, most of the other members out because of work.

Leaving him to do whatever he wanted (except blow up the house, of course).

Rewarding himself for becoming the reigning champion, he went into the kitchen to get himself an ice pop and came back to see a message from another player on the screen.

He grinned. Another challenger.

He accepted the challenge and the game started. He pressed the buttons with practiced speed, each step perfectly timed.

No one had yet to beat him in Audition and he wasn’t about to lose now.

Or so he thought.

He gaped at the screen when the scores were calculated and he was proclaimed the loser in this round.

The other player’s character had a smirk gracing his computer-animated pretty boy face. Eunhyuk just stared at the screen in shock, committing the player’s character name to memory.

CloudPrince

Seconds later, the player logged off, leaving the dance prodigy to register his loss.

“I can’t believe I lost!! AGHH!”

------

Half an hour later…

The door to the dorms clicked open, Yesung stepping inside.

“Eunhyuk? I’m home…” he called, the quiet atmosphere a bit unsettling to him.

He was surprised when the younger member suddenly popped out from nowhere and tackled him to the ground.

“Oww….”

“Hyung, you won’t believe what happened!! I lost! I lost in Audition!” Eunhyuk exclaimed, his expression despairing.

Yesung groaned as the younger member’s elbow dug into his side. “Ah, Hyukkie, it’s alright…ow..maybe today was just a bad day…”

Eunhyuk promptly got off him, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Well…I suppose that could explain that…”

His expression suddenly changed from despairing and hopeless to energetic and determined. “I must go find that player and demand a rematch!”

That said, he ran back to the living room, the sound of game music and keys being smashed vigorously able to be heard from even in the hallway.

Yesung got up, getting his clothes in order as he got to his feet, his small hands fixing the cap back on his head again.

“Okay then, I’ll go now. I just needed to get the umbrella in case it rains later.” He said, hiding a quickly forming grin behind his hand as he grabbed his red and black spotted umbrella and exited the dorms.

------

At an internet café somewhere in Seoul, Korea…

Heechul rolled his eyes as he saw Yesung playing Audition with much gusto. “When are you going to tell him you were the one that beat him?”

Yesung looked at the older member over his shoulder. “Oh, I’ll tell him eventually…when he stops going on about how he’s supposedly unbeatable at Audition…”

“You’re evil, you know that?” The second oldest said, taking a sip of Yesung’s iced coffee as he watched Yesung defeat Eunhyuk again.

“But it’s so much fun!” Yesung said childishly, taking back his iced coffee for a long sip before giving it back to Heechul.

The effeminate male grinned. “I never said it was bad.”

The two could just imagine Eunhyuk’s espression dropping as he was soundly defeated once more.

------

Well, that wasn’t very long. But hopefully it pleased some people, heehee xDDD

Tell me what you thought of this, pretty please^^

X333

Sun, 17 Aug 2008 04:47:11 GMT

Prompt: “Why are you in a skirt?”

Title: Pink Milk and Black Dresses

Genre: Romance//Humor
Rating: PG-13 *for suggestive themes?

Pairing: YeTeuk

Summary: In which Yesung loses a bet and is forced into a ridiculously short black dress and handcuffed to Eeteuk’s bed. Did I mention he’s blindfolded?

*Starring: TVXQ*

*notes: this is for you Selina, since you said I need to write happier YeTeuk fics x3 Hope you like. And to chocochinno, who gave me permits to use her Yesung concept.*

*more notes: to Selina: I just know both you and Ania are going to beat me into dust for not turning this into a Dream Threesome fic after you both read this xP

----

“You like it, admit it!” Eunhyuk’s voice could be heard throughout Seoul if he just shouted that a little louder, Yesung thought, and he frowned.

“I’m not a child, Hyukjae.” He replied calmly, reaching into the fridge to take out a bottle of something sweet-scented and pink, screwing open the cap and poking a striped straw inside.

“You like strawberry milk, hyung. What kind of 23 year old drinks strawberry milk?” the younger member replied bluntly, crossing his arms.

Yesung took a long sip for effect before speaking. “Your point?”

“You’re more addicted to that stuff than Sungmin is with pink! If they made strawberry flavored coffee, I bet you’d still drink it.”

At that moment, Sungmin chose to walk by the kitchen, a giant pink plushie rabbit under his arm, sipping a bottle of pink milk as he walked by. Eunhyuk took that opportunity to point out the utter pink-ness of the seemingly younger member.

Yesung frowned and chewed the top of the straw in irritation. “I am not addicted to strawberry milk.”

Eunhyuk grabbed a can of Coke out of the fridge and opened it loudly, causing Yesung to narrow his eyes in annoyance at the loud cracking sound it made.

“I bet you wouldn’t last a week without it.” The younger member said, sounding sure of himself.

Yesung automatically pouted, the expression quickly becoming a frown. “Yes I can!”

Eunhyuk smirked in reply, apparently confident. “Prove it.”

The older member’s frown slowly became more apparent the longer this conversation went on. “And how do you suggest I do?”

The dancing prodigy grinned, his pearly teeth showing. “If you can make it a week without drinking any strawberry milk, then I’ll believe you…and I’ll do whatever you want for a week as compensation. But…”

“But?” Yesung was drawn to the opportunity to torment the younger member in countless ways if—when he won. After all, he wasn’t called the “Dark Prince” for nothing, hehe.

“But, if you take even a drop of it, you lost and I…well that’s for you to find out.” Eunhyuk finished with a devious tone.

That tone almost made Yesung want to admit he was addicted to the pink-colored ambrosia but his pride wouldn’t let him and he grinned in acceptance of the younger member’s challenge.

“You’re on.”

-----

And that was how he ended waking up blindfolded and handcuffed to a bed.

And as if it couldn’t get any worse, he was in a dress, and from what he could tell in his blindfolded state, the dress was ridiculously short and lacy, with tickling ruffles at the edge that brushed against his thighs, much to his disliking.

He heard a familiar laugh outside the room and his eyes narrowed beneath the strip of silk fabric over his eyes.

“I bet you didn’t think I’d handcuff you to Teukie’s bed, did you?” Eunhyuk said, his attempt to hide his laughs failing horribly.

Yesung paled in sudden shock before the emotion became fury. “You handcuffed me to Teukie’s bed?!”

Eunhyuk subsequently burst into high-pitched hysterical laughter at that point and the older of the two heard him fall on the floor, limbs flailing.

“....Eunhyuk, if you don’t get these handcuffs off right now, I swear you’ll end up somewhere very unpleasant very far from Korea.” He threatened, his voice low.

Yesung could imagine a grin akin to that of a Cheshire cat’s quickly forming on the younger member’s face and he yanked at the handcuffs around his wrists.

“I don’t have the keys.” Eunhyuk said, obviously enjoying the torture he was putting his hyung through.

Yesung stopped and turned his head in the direction of Eunhyuk’s voice. “What?”

“I don’t have the keys. They’re in my bag and Teukie took it to the radio station with him.” Eunhyuk replied.

“….I hate you.”

Eunhyuk snickered. “Love you too, hyung. See you in three hours.”

I’ll kill him for this….

------

At the Sukira radio station…

Eeteuk looked over at Eunhyuk after hearing another giggle escape the other Super Junior member.

“What are you so happy about?” he asked, an amused smile crossing his features pleasantly.

The other Sukira DJ grinned widely. “Wouldn’t you like to know?” he replied before laughing again.

Eeteuk shook his head slightly, smiling still. “You’re very strange sometimes, Eunhyuk.”

The younger member only grinned wider and proceeded to get ready for the day’s radio broadcast, his actions more enthusiastic than usual.

The leader gave him an odd look before following his example and started organizing his workspace. The logo music played in the background and he couldn’t help but hum along.

He’s gonna be surprised when he gets home today, hehe.

------

Three hours later…

Finally the broadcast was over and Eunhyuk was still as excited as when it began, though he was a bit impatient. Today’s show went on forever, it seemed.

“Ah, time to go. Hyukkie?” Eeteuk shot Eunhyuk a questioning glance as he saw the older member get ready to leave abruptly.

“Oh, hyung, I forgot to tell you, I’m going out with Donghae and Chulie today.” He replied with the much rehearsed line.

Eeteuk’s eyebrow rose by half a centimeter before he shrugged and slung his own bag over his shoulder.

“I hope you’re not going out to drink. Remember what happened last time?” Eeteuk asked, the question bringing forth memories of an overly flirtatious and PMS-ish Heechul and a whiny emo Donghae.

Eunhyuk shuddered and shook his head to get rid of the cold shiver running down his spine.

“No, we’re not going out to drink, hyung. We’re just going to pay TVXQ-sunbae-deul a visit.”

Eeteuk nodded, not having a problem with that plan. “Say hi to them for me.”

“Alright…oh, Teukie, wait!” The younger of the two called, prompting the leader to stop in his tracks and turn around, the black and white beanie he “borrowed” (really stole) from Yesung slipping a notch lower and pushing some of his dark-dyed hair into his eyes.

“Hmm?” Eeteuk questioned as he fixed his hair and the beanie.

There’s not really any point to fixing it with what’s going to happen soon enough… Eunhyuk couldn’t help but think, the thought causing a minute grin to slowly creep onto his face.

“You’re going to need these.”

He tossed a glimmering object in the leader’s direction, Eeteuk’s hand coming out automatically to snatch it out of the air.

After Eunhyuk left, he opened his hand to see a pair of silver keys on a heart-shaped key ring.

Confused, Eeteuk just jammed the keys in his pocket and left the radio station in a hurry because he just remembered that Yesung was home alone and was probably bored and God knew what he did when he was bored out of his wits.

------

To the Super Junior dorms!! Away!!

“Yesung? Sungie?!” Eeteuk arrived at the dorms to find the whole apartment suite completely and utterly silent.

That’s odd…

“Sungie?” he called again, throwing his bag next to the couch and proceeding to look in the kitchen and the younger member’s empty room.

“Sungie? Where are you?” he tried again, still getting no response.

Meanwhile, in the oldest member’s room, Yesung was still handcuffed to the bed and still in a dress. And still blindfolded.

But he could obviously still here and he had heard Eeteuk from the second he opened the door and entered the dorms.

What did I do to deserve this cruel torment? He shouted mentally, jerking vainly at the metal handcuffs, and wincing when the metal chafed his wrists as a result.

You underestimated the power of strawberry milk!! He could hear a chibi-sized miniature of himself squeak-shouting in his ears and he groaned almost audibly before he stopped himself mid-way.

Maybe if I’m lucky, he won’t look in here… And thus started a conversation with himself.

Yea, and the city of everlasting chocolate exists…you’re handcuffed to HIS bed, or did you forget that tiny detail?

Shut up…

Maybe somebody up there will have mercy on you and he won’t come in here…

“Sungie?!”

Or maybe somebody up there hates me and wants to smash my pride into little bite-sized pieces.

Now there’s a more likely possibility!

Just shut up.

Shutting up.

He couldn’t see anything but judging from the volume of the older member’s voice, he was pretty close.

I hate you, Lee Hyukjae…

------

Meanwhile, at the TVXQ dorms…

“So, why did you three decide to drop in? Is today special or something?” Jaejoong asked as he set large plates of gimbap and pajeon [1] in the center of the wooden dining table pleasantly.

Yunho put an arm around his waist leisurely as he did, the corners of his lips curling upwards just slightly when the effeminate male smacked Donghae’s wrist with a wooden spatula after catching him trying to steal a bite of the food.

“Fishy no touchy.” He said, holding the spatula up threateningly as Donghae rubbed his wrist gingerly, his lower lip jutted out into a pout.

“You could say that today’s special…I beat Yesung in a bet and handcuffed him to Teukie’s bed.” Eunhyuk said, his grin growing with each word that he said.

From the other side of the room, there was suddenly a loud spraying noise as Junsu did an involuntary spit-take, causing Jaejoong to scowl at the wet coffee table he now had to clean again.

But that alone didn’t stop all five of them to gape at him incredulously.

“You what?!” Junsu sputtered.

Eunhyuk smirked. “You heard me.”

“How’d you do that without him trying to murder you?” Changmin asked eagerly.

“I made a bet with him. And he lost.” Heechul rolled his eyes.

“You’re forgetting who gave you that absolutely ingenious idea, monkey boy.”

Eunhyuk glared and picked up a pillow to throw at the pretty boy.

“I suggest you don’t do that…Umma is scary when you mess up the house after he cleans it…” Yoochun whispered in his ear.

“I wonder how Teukie’s going to react…” Jaejoong thought out loud.

The three Super Junior members shared a devious look.

Complete silence….

“YOU PUT HIM IN A DRESS?!!!”

Jaejoong raised an eyebrow. “Wait, how did you get into Teukie’s room in the first place?”

“Picked the lock.”

“Ah.”

------

Back at the Super Junior dorms…

“Aish…he probably went out somewhere…”

Giving up the search, he made to unlock the door to his room (he had learned to lock his door after he noticed that someone had been rummaging through his underwear drawer…) and change his clothes.

Which is when he caught eye of a certain someone handcuffed to his bed.

“Y-Yesung?!”

Aish…

Yesung turned his head in the direction of his voice, subconsciously pressing his knees together. When he noticed what he was doing, he frowned, though to the older member now occupying the room, it looked more like a pout.

“Ah, Sungie…why are you wearing a skirt…?”

“…actually it’s a dress. And Eunhyuk did this. Can you please get them off?”

Eeteuk couldn’t help but grin widely. That did sound like something the mischievous member would’ve done.

But he couldn’t help but notice what the younger member was wearing.

He was dressed in a too-short black dress edged in lace of the same color that glittered with sequins, an off-shoulder neck baring his pale collar and shoulders. The skirt flared out from his corseted waist with more layers of lace and slashed tulle.

His legs were pressed together almost girlishly, his pale thighs barely covered by the ebony lace that tickled the fair skin.

And as if he didn’t look enticing enough, his upper body was half suspended off the bed by his arms, which were handcuffed at the wrists to his bed posts.

Imagine Yesung’s surprise when he was suddenly trapped (not that he wasn’t trapped before) by a body pressed dangerously close to his, warm breath ghosting across his blindfolded eyes in a way that made his heart beat a hundred, no, a thousand times faster.

“H-Hyung…?!” he stammered out uncomfortably, heat pooling in his lower region as the older member only leaned closer so that his breath lit a wildfire that spread across his pinking cheeks.

“I don’t think I’ll be letting you go just yet.” The huskiness of the other’s tone only made Yesung gasp as a hand squeezed his thigh suggestively.

“T-Teukie…!”

“Yes?”

“I don’t think I mind being handcuffed so much anymore.”

The older member only smirked against his collar as he nipped at it gently, the curve of his lip only widening at the soft moan that resulted.

He would have to thank Eunhyuk later for this.

------

At the TVXQ dorms…

“I can’t believe you put a wire in Yesung’s hair! Where—How on earth did you do that?” Jaejoong exclaimed with obvious amusement.

“I have my ways, Kim Jaejoong, I have my ways…” Heechul said mysteriously.

------

Out of all the fics I’ve written, I think this was the most fun to write so far xDDD

Please tell me what you think of this x33

To Selina: I hoped you liked this. I am a complete fail at smut so this was the best I could do.

Oh, I almost forgot about a reference:

Credit to Wikipedia for this info.

[1] Gimbap (literally, seaweed-rice, 김밥) is a very popular snack in Korea. It consists of cooked rice, sesame oil, salt, and sesame seeds, to which small amounts of vinegar and sugar are often added as seasonings. Then it is placed on a sheet of gim, dried laver. The seasoned rice is spread on the laver, and then fried egg, julienned carrots, julienned ham, seasoned ground beef or seasoned fish cakes, pickled radish, seasoned spinach, and seasoned gobo and cucumber are then placed closely together on the rice, and is rolled in the manner similar to that of the Japanese sushi.

Pajeon (파전): pancake made mostly with eggs, flour, green onion, and oysters or fresh baby clams cooked in a frying pans

[fic] Different

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 22:37:56 GMT

Prompt courtesy of SJ Random Pairing Generator

Title: Different

Genre: Romance

Rating: PG

Pairing: Han Geng//Henry, past ShiHan and HanChul

Summary: He’s different from Shiwon, who was strong enough to hold the both of you up, and different from Heechul, whose snarky and somewhat over-confident nature was the complete opposite of his soft-spoken and shy self.

*author’s comments: this was another attempt of mine to perfect my writing in the 2^nd person, as I am still unsatisfied with my writing in this particular POV. And again, this was written in Han Geng’s POV

------

You don’t know why you fell in love with him in the first place and you often ask yourself this when you’re alone or lying awake next to his sleeping form.

He’s different from both your past lovers and you can’t deny that fact.

He’s different from Shiwon, whose well-defined masculinity is probably the utter opposite of his own soft effeminacy. On the outside, he’s not nearly as strong as Shiwon was, depending on you for guidance and a comforting embrace when he feels all he can do is cry.

But he’s strong enough to hold onto you even if you sometimes lash out and shout hurtful words at him in frustration, apologizing for mistakes that weren’t made and working hard to make up for things that didn’t need making up.

In the end, you’re the one who ends up saying your I’m-sorry’s and I-love-you’s and he just smiles and lets you kiss him everywhere just because it makes you feel better about it all.

He’s different from Heechul, whose snarky words and somewhat over-confidence are the stark contrast to his softly spoken words and shy, quiet nature. With Heechul’s colorful personality, your relationship was unpredictable, sometimes quiet and sometimes loud, but never still.

Your relationship with the young violinist, to you, seems much more steady, though of course, there were times where the two of you (mostly you) would question this so-called “illicit” love.

Such as now for instance.

You look down at his slumbering face, his pale form curled up close to your own, bare back pressed against your just-as-bare stomach as you curl an arm around his waist possessively.

He turns in your grip and breathes out your name in his sleep, and you can’t help but pull his body close to yours, his pale moonlight-borne complexion contrasting against your own lightly tanned one.

He is different, yes.

But at the moment, with his legs tangle with yours and the thought of his red lips against yours, you can’t bring yourself to care.

Because he’s yours and that’s all that matters right now.

------

I think this is the shortest piece that I have written thus far. And for three reasons.

One, I felt that this work would sound far too repetitive had I made it to be longer.

Two, Sweet Sonata really needs more posts.

Three, I have a request for Selina xvxkuromithat I should be working on right now.

On that note, let me just say that I hoped you enjoyed this short fic of mine. Please comment and tell me what you think, thank you^^

[icon] 152 icons in the span of 3 1/2 hours

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 22:10:03 GMT

I surprised myself today xDDD I didn't even know I could make that many in 3 and a half hours, hehe xDD

The same rules as my other icon posts apply here: Credit me at either aznk_popaddictor moons_lullabyif using or at least don't say that you made them^^

Credits to sjfullhouse.net, thirdchapter.org, and lunarsweetiefor the pictures used to make these icons^^

Enjoy^^

[148] Super Junior
[4] Random Models

Teaser:

--Super Junior--








































Random Models

[fic] Experimenting with Writing Styles (continued)

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 21:21:31 GMT

Prompt: I'll think about it tomorrow *courtesy of the SJ Random Pairing Generator

Title: Dark Chocolate

Genre: Romance//Angst

Rating: G?

Pairing: One-sided YeTeuk, implied KangTeuk and Hanry

Summary: He watches them with sad eyes but doesn’t do anything and you can’t help the question that slips past your lips for the thousandth time.

*Author’s Comment: Personally I don’t think this was very good. This was just me trying to write a fic while experimenting with one of my less-used writing styles. Also this was written in Han Geng’s POV.*

----

He’s sitting at the kitchen table when you walk in, a cup of steaming hot chocolate between his hands. He shivers slightly in the cold and you walk over to the window and close it.

He looks up at you with a thankful expression and you smile and open the fridge to get a glass of orange juice for yourself. You take the time to observe his current state, not that it’s any different from every other day.

It’s early-winter and he’s fittingly dressed, clad in a loose cream-coloured sweater that hangs too-big on his small frame, the sleeves covering his hands up to his mid-fingers. He doesn’t seem to be bothered by your presence, his dark chocolate eyes focusing on the circles of steam rising from the glass cup in between his fingertips.

It’s quiet at first but then the silence is broken by a door slamming open somewhere down the hall and voices you automatically recognize become louder as they come closer.

Eeteuk rushes past the doorway first, followed by Kangin who tackles him into the couch before they both end up a laughing mess of tangled arms and legs.

You shake your head in exasperation before you catch his expression from the corner of your eye.

He’s sitting there as calmly as ever, watching them fool around as he takes a tentative sip of his hot chocolate.

You wonder how he can always watch so placidly, without a trace of emotion, and then you look at his eyes.

You’re somewhat surprised to see emotion in them, because usually he can hide it so well. But you guess it’s because no one but you is there with him and he probably doesn’t think that you’ll notice.

He watches them with glimmering eyes that look like they’re about to let dams burst forth with glistening silver tears. But he holds them back and simply smiles easily, the result of experience he’s gained by doing it so many times in their career.

He watches them, or rather him, with sad eyes and doesn’t do anything and you can’t help the question that slips past your lips for about the thousandth time.

“Why do you love him, Yesung?”

He blinks unshed tears away when the words reach his ears and he turns around and smiles effortlessly yet again and he does it so seamlessly that you can’t tell if it’s real or fake.

“Why do you love, Han Geng?” he replies simply, before he takes another quiet sip of his hot chocolate.

You’re surprised to the point where you’re speechless for a moment as you follow his eyes to the doorway and look back into the living room.

Some of the others have occupied the room by now and your eyes catch a trace of a pale as moon pallor that could only belong to one person. Well, to you maybe, but you can see his smile curve even more upward when he catches your eyes scanning the room for the young violinist.

You find him standing by the window talking to Sungmin and his eyes meet yours and he waves in your direction, a happy smile on his face that you can’t help but return.

You see Sungmin whisper something in the younger’s ear and he blushes darkly before lightly smacking the older male’s shoulder. Sungmin only grins wider and says something else that you can’t hear from across the room and Henry suddenly finds the floor interesting as he nods in reply.

But then you remember his question and you turn back to him, the member still sitting at the polished wooden table, his cup half-empty now and weak plumes of steam attempting to rise above the top of the mug.

He’s looking expectantly at you, an eyebrow raised, waiting for your answer.

Why do you love, Han Geng?

You try to answer but no words come out from your lips and he smiles still, the corners of his lips curving upwards just so.

“It’s because he makes you happy, isn’t it?”

It’s this question that confuses you even more and makes you realize then that even though he’s younger than you, he’s years wiser, considering the way he’s talking like he knows your heart inside and out.

Your mind is filled with so many more questions now and it makes you impatient even though you have the feeling that you already know what his answer is going to be.

“If you love him so much, why don’t you just tell him?”

He’s smiling again and you’ve never known how much you hate that smile until now, when he’s using it on you. It’s serene and warm and disarming but it makes you feel like he already knows what you were going to say before you even say it.

“Because he’s happy.” Is his simple answer.

You shake your head and glance back into the living room where the leader has settled on sitting on the couch and leaning against Kangin’s shoulder as the other talks to Heechul about whatever is playing on the TV.

“I don’t understand you, Yesung.” You finally say as you lean against the wall in exasperation.

You don’t remember why or how this conversation started in the first place (Oh, right, it was you that started it.) but it leaves you half-expecting him to explain to you and half-expecting him to just smile that placid smile of his and walk away to leave you feeling more puzzled than ever.

“If he loved someone else, what would you do?” he asks and you sigh. You’re tired of his questions but your mind won’t let you leave without knowing everything there is to know about this.

You know exactly who he is referring to and your gaze slowly changes to look at your young paramour for just a fraction of a second before you turn your attention back onto him just as quickly.

“Would you tell him? Or would you keep it to yourself?” he asks and you know your answer before you even think about it.

“He’s happy so why would I tell him?” You say and you realize that you’ve answered your own question. And he still smiles because he knows.

He gets up finally, placing his cup in the sink with a soft clink and moving so he stands next to you, looking at his love with the same sad longing gaze as before and you can’t help but squeeze his shoulder gently in comfort.

“His happiness means much more to me than mine, Han Geng.” He says finally, the longest sentence you’ve heard him say since you came into the kitchen.

"I suppose you want me to keep this a secret?" You ask, eyebrow raised.

He smiles, and even laughs lightly. "I'll think about it tomorrow, Han Geng. Night."

He gives you a thankful look before leaving and walking down the hall. Seconds later, a door closed softly in the distance, barely audible above the voices of the other members.

You think about his words later that night when you’re holding your love in your arms, and he looks up at you, his eyes questioning. You smile and shake your head, kissing the top of his hair softly. With that, the violinist falls asleep in your arms but you’re still wide awake, your mind swimming with burdening thoughts and memories that won’t leave you alone.

“Promise me you won’t tell him!”

You shake your head to get rid of the thoughts but they won’t go away. Eventually you give up and just let them wash over you so they can finally leave you alone after they’re done haunting you.

“But—“

“Promise me! Please, Han Geng, just promise me!”

“Fine, I promise, Eeteuk.”

“Han Geng, is something wrong?” The voice comes from in between your arms and you’re pulled out from your reverie as you look down in slight surprise.

You shake your head in reply again as he smiles sweetly like an moonlight-bourne angel’s. As you smile in return, you finally fall into a much appreciated dreamless sleep, nothing but the breathing of your love in your eyes.

-----

He lies peacefully asleep in his own room across the hall. Unbeknownst to him, the door opens as it has every night, a definitely male figure walking in silently.

“Jongoon-ah…” he whispers as he leans down to stroke his face gently, his fingertips brushing over ivory cheekbones and over dark-fringed eyelids.

The younger member in the bed shifts slightly at his touch, turning his head just slightly, his ebony hair falling feather-like over his eyes.

“I wish I could tell you…” he says quietly, not knowing that you’re awake and watching what you’re doing from your own room across the hall.

He leans down further, slender fingers sweeping dark raven hair away from his forehead before he bestows a chaste kiss onto the soft skin beneath.

“I love you…Yesung.” He breathes and Yesung moves again, his fingers curling around cotton sheets lightly before his grip relaxes again.

“But maybe this is for the best…” You hear him say as he gets up, his fingertips grazing his cheek by a hair’s width as he does.

He’s surprised when he sees you watching from across the hall as he closes the door gently. And you can’t help but wonder if both of them are so blind that they can’t see how much they love each other.

"Another secret I'm keeping for you, yes?" You ask, your tone slightly sardonic. He looks guilty as he hears those words flutter by his ears and he looks at the ground silently.

"I'm sorry." he whispers.

You shake your head and wrap your arms around him comfortingly before letting him escape to his room for solace. But not before you whisper something into his ear that surprises him.

He looks at you with shocked eyes before smiling slightly and you return the gesture with one of your own.

"I'll think about it tomorrow, I promise."

-----

Alas, the second version of Why do you love? >.<

Hopefully this version is ~~better?~~ more pleasing to people who want a happy ending to this fic^^

Please tell me what you think of this humble fanwork of mine.

[fic] Experimenting with Writing Styles

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 21:00:28 GMT

Prompt: I’ll think about it tomorrow *courtesy of the SJ Random Pairing Generator

Title: Why do you love?

Genre: Romance//Angst

Rating: G?

Pairing: One-sided YeTeuk, implied KangTeuk and Hanry

Summary: He watches them with sad eyes but doesn’t do anything and you can’t help the question that slips past your lips for the thousandth time.

----

He’s sitting at the kitchen table when you walk in, a cup of steaming hot chocolate between his hands. He shivers slightly in the cold and you walk over to the window and close it.

It’s quiet at first but then the silence is broken by a door slamming open somewhere down the hall and voices you automatically recognize become louder as they come closer.

Eeteuk rushes past the doorway first, followed by Kangin who tackles him into the couch before they both end up a laughing mess of tangled arms and legs.

You shake your head in exasperation before you catch his expression from the corner of your eye.

He’s sitting there as calmly as ever, watching them fool around as he takes a tentative sip of his hot chocolate.

You wonder how he can always watch so placidly, without a trace of emotion, and then you look at his eyes.

He watches them, or rather him, with sad eyes and doesn’t do anything and you can’t help the question that slips past your lips for about the thousandth time.

“Why do you love him, Yesung?”

He blinks unshed tears away when the words reach his ears and he turns around and smiles effortlessly yet again and he does it so seamlessly that you can’t tell if it’s real or fake.

“Why do you love, Han Geng?” he replies simply, before he takes another quiet sip of his hot chocolate.

You’re surprised to the point where you’re speechless for a moment as you follow his eyes to the doorway and look back into the living room.

You find him standing by the window talking to Sungmin and his eyes meet yours and he waves in your direction, a happy smile on his face that you can’t help but return.

He’s looking expectantly at you, an eyebrow raised, waiting for your answer.

Why do you love, Han Geng?

You try to answer but no words come out from your lips and he smiles still, the corners of his lips curving upwards just so.

“It’s because he makes you happy, isn’t it?”

Your mind is filled with so many more questions now and it makes you impatient even though you have the feeling that you already know what his answer is going to be.

“If you love him so much, why don’t you just tell him?”

“Because he’s happy.” Is his simple answer.

“If he loved someone else, what would you do?” he asks and you sigh. You’re tired of his questions but your mind won’t let you leave without knowing everything there is to know about this.

You know exactly who he is referring to and your gaze slowly changes to look at your young paramour for just a fraction of a second before you turn your attention back onto him just as quickly.

“Would you tell him? Or would you keep it to yourself?” he asks and you know your answer before you even think about it.

“He’s happy so why would I tell him?” You say and you realize that you’ve answered your own question. And he still smiles because he knows.

“His happiness means much more to me than mine, Han Geng.” He says finally, the longest sentence you’ve heard him say since you came into the kitchen. He gives you a thankful look before leaving and walking down the hall. Seconds later, a door closed softly in the distance, barely audible above the voices of the other members.

You think about his words later that night when you’re holding your love in your arms, and he looks up at you, his eyes questioning. You smile and shake your head, kissing the top of his hair softly and you fall after him into a dreamless slumber.

----

Okay, personally I don't think this fic was very good. This was mostly me experimenting with a different writing style so please forgive me if it's absolutely horrible =.=

On the other hand, please tell me what you thought of this. I'm posting another longer version as well ~~because I'm not satisfied with this story and because I'm like that~~

I promise my next fic will be much happier, to those who might be starting to think that all I write is angst =.=

Writer's Block: Six-Word Story

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 15:22:58 GMT

Hemingway was once challenged to write a story in only six words. His response? “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.” He is believed to have called it his greatest literary work ever. Can you write a story in six words?

Submitted By femspectre

View 505 Answers

Maybe. I think.

I met my sweetheart only yesterday.

My greatest treasures: a notebook and pen

A flower at a cliff's edge

Blue thread woven into ebony hair

Well, that's all I could come up with...too poetic perhaps?? Ah, well, I can't help it if I am that way.

[drawings] tell me what you think please

Sat, 09 Aug 2008 17:46:10 GMT

After ~~begging~~ asking my dad if I could borrow the camera, I am finally able to post my drawings in my journal.

Well a few of them...if I posted all of them, there would be way too many o.O Like...thousands of pictures

Well here they are...

Yesung ~ Drawn based on another fanart of Yesung

Han Geng ~ Don't Don style

Yesung ~ Anime Style ~~Is it just me or does he loook a bit girlish?~~

Han Geng ~ Based on photo from a show SJ-M was on ~~Bravely Moving Forward, I think~~

Jaejoong ~ not very clear, I know. I drew a random scene for my TVXQ/SJ fanfic and this pic is of my Jaejoong at 15 yrs old

SJ-M ~ this was based off a picture of them on the show, Very Big Star/Super Star
From left to right: Shiwon, Ryeowook, Donghae, Henry, Han Geng

Han Geng ~ It doesn't look like him to me but it's supposed to be him...the picture I used as an example is supposedly a picture of him at an airport.

Now, wasn't that fun?? Please tell me what you think of my arts...

I haven't shown any art of mine online before and I'm eager to know if I'm any good...since most of these are also various attempts of mine to draw "realistically" as my sister so articulately puts it. I'm used to drawing anime style ~~and I prefer drawing anime style more than realistic anyway~~

Writer's Block: Less Than Idle Hands

Thu, 07 Aug 2008 18:49:43 GMT

Do you have any odd nervous habits?

Submitted By theonlyink

View 500 Answers

Wierd nervous habits?? Well....

When I'm nervous I tend to make odd facial expressions and tap my fingers on something. Or I make food for no one in particular and wash dishes. I also listen to rock music more when I'm nervous and I also draw alot when I'm nervous. I also tend to suck on the tip of my thumb when I'm nervous.

Wierd enough for you?

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 22:14:26 GMT

Annyeong^^ I'm back with my second set of icons, consisting mostly of SJ-M and a few Teukie and Yesung ones thrown in, along with a couple ones of a random model.

[69] Super Junior
[3] Random girl

[72] Icons in Total

Hope you guys like^^ Please credit if using please <3 And tell me if you're taking^^

Teaser:

--Super Junior--

--Random Model--

Death fics do not suit me (cont.)

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 18:00:21 GMT

Here's the second part to my fic....

Title: His Smile

Rating:

Genre: Romance//Angst

Pairing: Eeteuk//Yesung

Summary: He would forever remember his smile as he said those three words back to him.

*edit: because LJ is being a big fat meanie, I had to post this in parts. Which I feel completely ruined the mood.

(Part One)

-----

It had been four months since they found out about his illness.

All 15 of them were there to visit him, sitting outside until the nurse said it was okay for them to go in. They knew that at this time

Yesung was asleep but he was slept a lot these days and they visited anyway.

He had taken his medicine half an hour ago and it caused him to sleep for several hours afterward.

They agreed to go in one at a time, so they would each be able to be alone with him. So they waited until they were allowed in.

Ryeowook was nervously playing with his fingers. “Hyung-ah, what if Yesung doesn’t get better, what’ll happen to Super Junior, what’ll—“

“Stop it, stop it! Yesung will get better so just stop saying he won’t!” Eunhyuk said, standing in front of Ryeowook with stubborn eyes flaring.

“This is why I don’t believe in God…” Heechul muttered loud enough for everybody to hear, before laughing hollowly at what he said.

Shiwon looked at him in surprise at first before submitting to his words, which had enough reason behind them.

It was painfully quiet until the nurse left the room half an hour later and told them it was okay to go in.

-----

Ryeowook went in first, biting his lip to keep himself from crying when he saw Yesung sleeping peacefully on the bed, white sheets paling against his even paler, deathly white skin.

He was much too thin, his already small build even smaller now. His short-fingered hands were slender and fragile looking, as if they would break if someone squeezed too hard.

He sat down, gazing at Yesung’s sleeping face. At least in sleep, even if it was artificially-induced, he could dream of better places.

“Get better soon, hyung-ah. I miss making soup for you and the other members are tired of eating my soup when I make some out of impulse. Next time I make soup I’ll make sure you get it instead, okay? It’ll get you up and back-to-normal before you know it.
But just in case, I’m still going to pray for you. So get well soon, ne?”

-----

By the time it was Han Geng’s turn, the atmosphere was morose and anyone walking past them could feel their pain.

He went in with Henry, who held a small ribbon-tied box in his hands. The door closed with a soft swish and a quiet click of locks slotting into place

As soon as they went in, Henry opened the box, gingerly lifting out a small glass figure. Han Geng watched as the younger male set it carefully on the bedside table, placing a small white and red card next to it.

Henry stood behind him as he sat down in the chair next to the bed, silent and patient. It wouldn’t have mattered to the older one of the pair, he was in his own world as soon as he sat down in the chair.

“Yesung, it’s me again. Henli’s with me too.”

He held Yesung’s tinier hand in his own two, pressing it close to his mouth. The skin underneath his lips felt soft and frail, like spider web silk in the wind.

“I think you’re the strongest out of all of us. I don’t think any of us could go through what you’ve gone through these past months and still smile so happy. Get better soon, without you I have one less mouth to feed and I’m reminded of you whenever I cook for 15 but end up with extra. So hurry up and get better, okay? If you do, I’ll make you whatever you want to eat, w-whatever you want, o-okay? So g-get better, Sungie, okay?”

Henry looked away as he wiped his eyes with his sleep, giving him the privacy he needed before he stood up and walked out the door. Henry gave Yesung one last look before he followed him out the door.

-----

Heechul entered the room carrying a large paper shopping bag with him. The top of the bag was covered so no one could see what was inside but it sure wasn’t food.

He sat down on the wooden chair, dropping the bag down next to his feet.

“Babbo…babbo Yesung…we only worry because we care about you. We are Super Junior, always a family, no matter what happens. You, get better fast. You know how much I don’t like hospitals…they’re too clean. Heebummie misses you too, she won’t stop scratching at the door to your room…”

The effeminate male uncovered the paper bag, pulling out a blanket that was one of the brightest shades of pink anyone could imagine. He stood up and spread it over Yesung, lifting his hands out from beneath it and gently placing them on top of the fluffy blanket.

“I know this is my favorite blanket, but you need it more than I do. Hannie told me it gets cold at night in here. You can give it back when you’re better.”

He smoothed out the blanket and tucked in Yesung with difficulty, seeing as both his hands were shaking. He knew it was too late for the younger member to get better unless a miracle happened, but he shook his head and yelled at himself for thinking like that.

He’s going to get better, he’s going to get better and when he comes back home, we’ll throw him the biggest party ever and everyone will smile again and we’ll tell him how important he is to us and how much we love him and…and…

He finished tucking Yesung in, folding up the paper bag and holding it as he got ready to let the next person in.

“You get better or else, yah?” he said to him, pointing at him as if telling him to carry out an order. Yesung smiled in his sleep and turned over onto his side, making the older male smile slightly.

Heechul was crying when he kissed Yesung’s cheek softly.

-----

When Heechul came out of the hospital room, it was obvious he had been crying just seconds ago. His head was downcast and when he looked up, there were tear-streaks, still wet and glimmering before they dried into his skin.

They all looked at him and when he noticed them, he just blinked and frowned.

“What’re you looking at? Do I have something on my face?” he said, wiping his eyes with his sleeves and looking into one of the reflective concave mirrors in the hall for effect.

“T-Teukie-ah, Teu-kie.” Eunhyuk nudged Eeteuk lightly after wiping his eyes. He was still crying, his sleeves probably soaked through with tears considering the countless times he had wiped his eyes the past hour and a half.

“Ah, Hyukkie…did you want something?” the leader asked, trying his best to smile.

“I-It’s your t-turn to visit Y-Yesung, hyung.” The choreographically-gifted member said, gesturing towards the door. He sniffed, blowing his nose into a tissue.

“Thanks, Hyukkie.” Eeteuk stood up and walked through the door, holding a bunch of new scarlet red peonies in his hands.

-----

He smiled softly when he saw the pink blanket draped over Yesung’s sleeping form.

He took the withering peonies from the left side bedside table and replaced them with the ones he bought, the vibrant flowers bright against the white painted walls.

He noticed the glass figurine just then, staring at it in surprise.

It was a clear glass angel, with a single crystalline wing. In its hands, it held a pink glass heart. A clear glass halo surrounded its head and a soft smile paired with crescent eyes completed its face.

Eeteuk picked up the card next to it, reading the neat hesitant hangul written inside.

To Yesung

This is the closest thing to a statue of Eeteuk-hyung I could find.

Get better soon,

Henry

He smiled at the gesture the violinist had made and put the card back in its place.

He turned his attention back to the person occupying the bed, listening to his quiet breathing as he slept.

Eeteuk pulled the chair out quietly, sitting down with his elbows resting on top of the pink and white blankets. It was a wonder he was still asleep but artificially-induced sedation could go a long way.

He ran a hand through his hair gently, brushing stray strands out of his eyes. A tear escaped his eye when his hands left with a mass of ink black strands tangled with his fingers.

“Sungie-ah…”

“Jongoon-ah, it’s me, Teukie. I brought you flowers. Peonies. They’re red, your favorite color.”

He smoothed out the wrinkles in the blankets, taking care to straighten Sungmin’s gift (a pink rabbit) and place it next to Yesung’s pillow carefully.

“Get better soon, Sungie. Without you I really am an angel without wings…and I can’t fly without my wings, no? I can’t fly without you, Jongoon-ah, I hope you know that. You know that, right?”

He said that with a sweetness to his voice, but it’s a sad sweetness, the kind of sweetness you felt when you found something you thought you lost forever but when you found it, it was broken beyond repair and strangely you’re still happy to find it just because it makes you remember things.

He held the short but slender fingers in his hand, holding tight enough so that he was sure the younger boy was still there in front of him, but soft enough so that he wouldn’t cause him any unnecessary pain, his thumb caressing the warm skin gently.

He didn’t want to be here, because Yesung was here and he shouldn’t be. Yesung should be at home with his family and happy and strong enough to take a punch from Kangin and throw one back playfully. Not sick and weak and tired, lying in a hospital room that smelled too clean.

The leader squeezed his hand a little tighter, biting his lip so he wouldn’t cry but failing in the end as hot tears made their way down his dimpled cheeks.

“Teukie-ah…Jungsu…don’t cry…don’t cry…” he heard his voice and looked up, startled when he found dark chocolate eyes looking at him tiredly but still happy to see him.

“Ah, Sungie, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to wake you up…” he apologized, wiping his eyes quickly.

“It’s okay…you didn’t wake me…The medicine just wore off I guess…” Yesung replied, moving to sit up on the bed. His movements were slow and weary, the sheets rustling slightly as he accommodated himself.

Eeteuk looked at him tearfully, unable to stop himself from crying.

Awake, Yesung looked even more tired and frail, the result of countless treatments to slow the disease’s spread having weakened his body.

His complexion was pale and deathly white and there was a tired look to his face that wasn’t there four and a half months ago. His dark eyes flickered with a faintly warm glimmer, the glow that used to rival the moon and sun gone in a blur of bitter medicines and painful needles and smiles that held all his heart and whatever strength he could muster.

“Don’t cry, Teukie…You look much better when you’re smiling, I think…”

Yesung smiled softly, weakly, his eyes becoming crescents with black coffee orbs peeking from under his eyelids. Eeteuk smiled back, the gesture broken inside.

But then he started to cough violently, covering his mouth with his hands as he rode it out. Eeteuk jumped onto his feet in worry, leaving for just the blink of an eye to get a glass of water and hand it to the younger member.

He only smiled reassuringly when he was done, setting the empty glass on the bedside table noiselessly.

“I’m tired, Teukie…” he says finally, yawning a little and rubbing his eye lightly with his palm. The older member can’t help but smile faintly at how innocent his face looks at that moment.

“You should go to sleep then, Sungie. You need your energy.” Eeteuk said, pulling the blankets a little higher, Yesung’s white socks peeking out when he did.

“I don’t want to…I can’t see you if I’m asleep.” he said quietly, and Eeteuk smiles.

“Sleep, Jongoon.” The leader ordered with a feather soft smile on his lips.

Yesung’s lips formed a pout which soon became a smile again.

“I’ll go to sleep if you sing to me, Teukie.” He said, smiling still.

Eeteuk sighed, nodding and returning his smile with his own. There wasn’t a thing he wouldn’t do for Yesung now, partly because it was Yesung who was asking and partly because he wanted him to go to sleep and enter a dream world where everything was perfect and normal again.

Yesung moved over on the bad, moving the blankets so the older member could sit next to him on the bed.

The leader blinked a few times before he yielded and moved to sit next to the younger member. Yesung wrapped himself in Heechul’s blanket and curled up next to Eeteuk’s side, the taller of the two wrapping an arm around his cocooned form.

“What do you want me to sing, Sungie?” Eeteuk asked softly, looking down at Yesung.

Yesung appeared content as he snuggled closer to the leader, smiling softly still, his eyes half-lidded.

“Anything you want…”

In the end, he sang a song he heard from a drama he watched with Ryeowook a few weeks back.

“Kyourdjimothan mankem

Himegyour wo apawado

Nenmeli apelgaryourwado

Gaji mothan ne sarang apedo na uselraeyo

Jamshi ra do kyeote

Haengboghaeton giyog elrel

Gaseme gan jig halkeyo

Du nene su nyohajin jor byuldel chorom

Yong~won~hi”

He was crying silently by now, lifting his free hand to wipe his eyes before Yesung could see, though it wouldn’t have made a difference. Yesung’s eyes were closed, his warm breathes tickling the older member's collarbone.

“Na yo nel man en an ul your yu

Nun muli ga teg cha wa do

Jogi

Jo byuldel chorom

Naesel reyo~

Oh~Oh~

Haengbog haeton giyog modu

Gaseme ganjig halkeyo

Du nene su nyohajin jor byuldel charom

Yong~won~hi…”

He wondered why he had picked such a song in the first place but Yesung seemed to like it, the way he was smiling contently in his sleep.

“…sarang..haeyo…Teukie...” he whispered just when Eeteuk thought he was completely asleep.

The leader looked at him in surprise before smiling ever so slightly and holding him close, the younger member not rejecting the intimate embrace. His smile was the most genuine he had ever seen and he burned it into his memory to remember forever.

“Saranghaeyo…Yesung…” he said as tears, warm and wet, coursed down his cheeks.

It was only then he noticed Yesung’s lack of movement, not even the steady rising and falling of his chest as he breathed.

“Sungie? Yesung?” he turned around on the bed and gently shook Yesung’s shoulders, calling his name softly with a worried tone.

The younger male only fell back against his torso limply, his cheek pressed against his chest. He felt cold and empty, as if all the warmth had fled from his body.

“Yesung? Yesung! No, YESUNG!!” he all but screamed, shaking him as tears fell like waterfalls of saline bursting through unseen dams.

“What, what?!” The rest of Super Junior barged through the door, their faces white as paper when they saw Eeteuk holding a doll-like Yesung in his arms.

“No…” Ryeowook breathed out, not wanting to believe it. “He can’t be…no, it can’t be, he’s not…”

The next moments felt as if someone had taken a remote and slowed down time, the doctor and nurses that seemingly appeared from nowhere trying to stimulate his heart beat with a defibrillator. His chest jumped with each shock sent into it, the drawn out beep of the heart meter deafening to their ears.

Somewhere amidst all that, Eeteuk faintly heard the breaking of glass and looked down to see Henry’s glass angel on the floor.

Only the pink glass heart was cracked.

------

*cries* I can’t believe I wrote that…so sad. I’m pathetic, crying over my own fanfiction.

Please tell me what you think of this…

Forgive me killing off Yesungie! I really didn't want to!
Also forgive me for the somewhat anti-climactic ending I know it was horrible...

Death fics do not suit me

Wed, 06 Aug 2008 17:40:16 GMT

As implied from the subject of this post, this is indeed ~~and regrettably~~ a death fic. Which does not suit me at all.

I hate myself for writing this and killing off anybody. I can't bear to hurt a hamster let alone kill somebody, so obviously I'm upset.

I was inspired by the song ~~Byul~~ Stars from the K-drama movie, 200 Pounds Beauty. It made me cry when I listened to it in the movie.

Here you go. I warned you.

Title: His Smile

Rating:

Genre: Romance//Angst

Pairing: Eeteuk//Yesung

Summary: He would forever remember his smile as he said those three words back to him.

*edit: because LJ is being a big fat meanie, I had to post this in parts. Which I feel completely ruined the mood. :(

----

He had been fine just before they stepped onto the stage, when they were going over the steps one more time to make sure everyone got it perfectly.

They had gotten on the laser-lit stage with confidence and looking forward to the cheers of the fans that would leave them deaf for days afterward.

“Okay, let’s do our best! Super Junior!” Eeteuk said encouragingly.

“Fighting!” the rest of the group finished, breaking away their hands excitedly.

The performance started out flawlessly, everyone performing song after song without a single beat missed.

But once they were more than halfway through Don’t Don, after his solo and in the middle of one of their last choruses, he held a hand up to his head as he danced, his face forming a wince.

His dancing was less energetic but not so much that anyone would notice, since he wasn’t exactly the most obvious person in the group.

The music immediately stopped once his legs gave out and he collapsed flat onto the floor, unconscious. The crowd’s cheering stopped right away as soon as they saw him fall, quiet and confused murmurs quickly spreading through the entire arena-like audience benches.

The rest of the members rushed to him as soon as they saw him black out and fall unceremoniously to the glowing stage floor. Henry stopped playing his violin as well and ran over, hoping nothing was too serious.

“Yesung! Yesung-ah!” they said loudly, worry for him clearly showing.

At this moment, he looked pale, paler than he normally would be, and his face felt cold and clammy. Being the closest, Eeteuk picked him up, surprised to find that the younger member was so light.

Their manager seemed to suddenly come from nowhere and onto the stage, obviously concerned. He told the stage crew and MCs to end the concert early and called for an ambulance.

There was nothing but confusion and unheard questions that wanted to be answered. But right now, the only thing to worry about was getting Yesung to a hospital where hopefully their questions might be answered.

----

All of them had waited at least an hour, still wearing their performance clothes, when the doctor came out, clipboard in hand. Henry was there as well as Zhoumi, who had came as fast as he could when he heard the news.

All 14 of them stood up when she approached them, but Eeteuk spoke first, summing up their thoughts in a single question.

“Is he okay?” The doctor had looked him up and down once before adjusting her glasses and answering his question.

“He’s fine for now. If you want to talk to him, he’s awake, but he’s still resting, mind you.” She replied in a business-like tone, as if she wasn’t telling him something.

Eeteuk dismissed it for now and gestured towards the other members that it was alright to go in. If it was important, she would tell him later.

“Thank you, Euisa-nim.” He thanked politely, smiling appreciatively. At this, she had fixed her glasses slightly before nodding stiffly and walking down the hall.

All 14 of them went in, the room surprisingly large enough to accommodate them all. But they hardly noticed due to their shock when they saw Yesung in the hospital bed.

He was clad in sterile hospital pajamas, a colorful heart pattern sprinkled generously over the thin cotton fabric. His complexion was sickly pale, bordering on white, and without the sweaters and baggy clothing hiding them, his arms appeared skinny and fragile.

He smiled softly at them when he saw them come in, his cheekbones almost showing if not for the tiny amount of baby fat left on his face still. His eyes still twinkled with the same luster they always did though, the corners crinkling as his eyes formed crescents.

“Annyeong…” he said, trying to sound energetic and failing miserably as he coughed lightly, earning him worried looks he caught easily.

“Don’t worry, I’m fine. Really.” he said cheerfully, smiling again. The bright smile was too much as the others couldn’t help but smile back lightly even though they were still worried.

“Yesung, are you sure?” Ryeowook asked, concerned for him as he always was.

“I was just tired, I guess. Nothing to worry about, Wookie, I’ll be out of here and performing with everybody in no time.” he said before holding in a cough and ruffling Ryeowook’s hair affectionately.

“Babbo…you could’ve just said so and saved us the trouble.” Heechul said, teasing as always.

Yesung only smiled at that before it broke when he yawned. Eeteuk smiled as he rubbed his eye with his palm childishly.

“Okay, we’ll leave you to sleep, alright, Sungie?” he asked. Yesung replied by nodding sleepily, the other members following Eeteuk’s example and getting up, saying their good byes to Yesung before leaving the room one-by-one.

“Night, Sungie.” The leader said as the fourth oldest made himself comfortable in bed. He leaned down to kiss him good night on the forehead before leaving, closing the door and switching off the lights behind him.

The rest of them had probably arrived out by the time he was finished and he proceeded to follow them until the sharp sound of heels striking tiled floors and a familiar voice calling for him to wait reached his ears.

“Wait! Eeteuk-shii!”

He turned around to find the doctor from before who had been so curt to him. She panted as she came to a stop next to him, her hands on her knees as she caught her breath.

“I have to tell you something. I didn’t want to tell you before when all the others were there but you are the leader so you have to know at least.” she said in hurried Korean.

Eeteuk looked at her in confusion and worry. “What is it?”

“It concerns him. Yesung. He has…leukemia, and from what I see, he’s had it for awhile.” she said reluctantly, sympathy heavy in her voice.

“W-What?” Eeteuk said, staggering back from shock.

“I’m sorry, Eeteuk-shii, but by now, he has only about 5 more months to live. I’m sorry I had to tell you this but it’s the truth.” The short doctor said, true sadness in her voice as she did. She bowed once before apologizing once more and disappearing back down the hall.

He has leukemia…? It can’t be the same Yesung sleeping in that room, it can’t be… he tried convincing himself to no avail.

“Ah, hyung! Manager-hyung says to hurry up!”

He heard Ryeowook’s voice from behind him and turned around sharply, seeing the third youngest with Kyuhyun at the far end of the hall, both waving at him impatiently, though they had apparently cheered up, smiles plastered across their faces.

I can’t let them know…not now…not yet

He forced himself to smile, hoping both of them couldn’t see he was actually trying not to cry.

“Ah, mianhae, I’m coming, don’t worry!” he said as brightly as he could without it looking obviously fake.

They left right before a single tear escaped his eyes to run down his cheek and drip off his chin onto his shirt, the wet stain barely visible.

----

The whole way home, everybody was tired, all of them sleeping, except for Donghae, who was occupied playing games on his PSP.

Henry snored lightly as he slept with his head on Han Geng’s shoulder, the older male leaning back onto him. Kyuhyun was half asleep, his fingers absently opening and closing as he held Zhoumi’s hand contently.

Shiwon was being used as Kibum’s pillow and Heechul was fast asleep on Kangin’s shoulder. It was quiet throughout the whole trip home, peaceful.

Except for Eeteuk, that is. He couldn’t sleep, the doctor’s words echoing in his head despite his efforts to get rid of them.

I’m sorry…he only has 5 months to live…I’m sorry…I’m sorry..

“Yesung…” he said to himself quietly.

“Hyung-ah, you okay?” Sungmin said, rubbing his eyes sleepily. Eeteuk was startled by his sudden appearance next to him, jumping in his seat.

“I’m fine, I’m fine…just worried.” He said, unable to stop the smile that spread across his face when Sungmin yawned and snuggled into his side.

“Yesungie-hyung wouldn’t want you to worry too much…” he said before falling asleep on the leader’s shoulder.

“Alright…” With that, he tried his best to forget his thoughts for now and sleep.

But he couldn’t help but feel uneasy about keeping secrets from the others.

----

He got out of the hospital two weeks later and was welcomed back into the dorms with much gusto.

Eeteuk still hadn’t spoken a word about his discovery in the hospital and simply smiled when Han Geng and Heechul arrived home with Yesung in tow.

Yesung looked like his fall last week had never happened and laughed, protesting loudly, when Han Geng and Kangin lifted him up from under his arms and swung him around playfully.

“Ah, Hannie, Kangin-ah, put me down! You’re both going to break my arms off!” he shouted, laughing at the same time.

“Ah, hyung-deul, Yesungie just got out of the hospital!” Ryeowook said worriedly. He rushed over and inspected Yesung as soon as they dropped him onto the sofa.

“Wookie-ah, it’s okay, I’m fine.” Yesung said reassuringly, smiling in amusement at Ryeowook’s worrying ministrations.

“Are you sure? Did you eat anything today? Did you sleep well? You look thin, I’ll make you soup, okay?” the younger member babbled on. Henry and Zhoumi watched the scene from a corner of the room, holding back their laughs when Han Geng rolled his eyes behind Ryeowook.

“I’m fine, Wookie, don’t worry!” Yesung said, laughing.

Hearing that, Eeteuk couldn’t help but remember the doctor’s words for about the thousandth time in a row. He shook his head, taking a breath to clear his head.

It worked for now, his thoughts silent as he went over to greet Yesung and welcome him back to the dorms.

“Teukie-ah!”

-----

For the next week or so, everything was back to normal again, their schedules as busy as before. And just like before, Yesung appeared perfectly fine and healthy.

None of the other members suspected a thing and it seemed as if the incident a week before was just a fleeting nightmare.

Eeteuk almost forgot about Yesung’s ailment. Almost.

After practice, they left the studio for home when Yesung said his head hurt. Not moments later, he fainted and fell on top of Heechul, who was annoyed at first until he realized Yesung wasn’t playing around.

“Ah, Yesung, are you okay? Yesung?” the second eldest asked shaking his shoulder gently.

-----

They brought him to the nearest hospital and waited outside Yesung’s room. It was only that moment that several of them noticed the guilty look on the oldest member’s face.

“Hyung, you know something, don’t you?” Kibum asked, though it sounded more like a statement.

Eeteuk looked up in surprise. “Ah, what makes you think that?”

“Hyung.” The actor stood up and crossed his arms, a frown crossing his features.

Eeteuk opened his mouth to protest but nothing came out, his voice dying as soon as he thought to make up another excuse.

“I can’t say.” He said simply, quietly.

By now the others had stood up and gathered around him.

“Why not? We’re a family, aren’t we? No secrets, remember?” Kangin reasoned, reminding the leader of the group’s strong bond.

Eeteuk looked up, unsure. In the end, there wasn’t any getting out of this, as the rest of them were pretty much sure that something was up.

“Yesung...he’s not well.” He said hesitantly.

Heechul rolled his eyes. “Of course he isn’t. We know that already.”

Eeteuk shook his head, fighting back the urge to just cry right then and there. He managed to do that successfully, holding his face in his hands.

“No, I don’t mean he’s just ill…Yesung…he has…he has…” the leader said out, finding the words hard to come.

“What is it? Hyung, you’re scaring me.” Ryeowook said, his hand gripping the fabric of Shiwon’s sleeve tightly.

“Yesung has…leukemia.”

----

“Teukie, you’re joking, right? Yesung doesn’t really have…” Eunhyuk trailed off, unable to say the word, as if he was afraid if he said it, it would no doubt be true.

“How long did you know?!” Kangin demanded to know.

“…since the last time it happened.” Eeteuk said quietly. Ryeowook looked like he was about to cry, Shiwon trying to comfort him despite the tension that had suddenly dropped on them.

“Why didn’t you tell us? I thought there weren’t supposed to be any secrets between us! What happened to that?!” Donghae said loudly, almost shouting, his tone brimming with anger. Eunhyuk was holding his arm to keep him from lashing out even more at the silent leader.

Heechul was silent as well, sitting back down with his face propped up on his hands.

When the nurse came, he seemed to be the only person who noticed.

“Hey. Hey!” He was ignored as they continued to argue with each other. He scowled, not enjoying the lack of attention.

The second oldest broke up the group, roughly pushing Kangin and Donghae to the side.

“What the…”

“Hey!”

Heechul looked at both of them menacingly, daring them to start anything.

“The nurse says we can go in. Now shut up and come on.” He said, noticing Eeteuk’s grateful look aimed towards him.

Thankfully, they let up on the leader and quietly followed Heechul into the room, Eeteuk following them meekly from behind.

-----

He was awake when they entered, sitting in bed clad in hospital-sanitary multi-colored heart printed pajamas, staring at his hands as he made tiny little motions with his fingers. He looked up when he heard the door open, his black hair falling naturally into his eyes.

“Ah, annyeong…” he greeted somewhat awkwardly.

“Yesung, why didn’t you tell us?” Kangin didn’t waste anytime, voicing what most of them were thinking at the moment.

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about…” he said airily, tilting his head just slightly so his eyes didn’t meet theirs.

A sharp pain met his cheek with surprising force, his eyes widening in shock as he raised a hand to gingerly touch his throbbing cheek.

“Stop it, you’re hurting him, hyung!” Ryeowook cried, grabbing Kangin’s arm.

Yesung just put a hand to his cheek and looked up slightly, smiling despite the pain in his cheek. His eyes suddenly looked a lot older and Kangin’s eyes only widened in surprise.

“I’m okay, I’m okay. It’s okay, Wookie, I’m okay.” He said lightly, trying to sound convincing. He smiled, wincing almost invisibly because of the stinging pain in his cheek.

All of them forgot their anger once they saw his smile, suddenly feeling guilty, but still feeling betrayed that he hadn’t said anything about his illness. But then they realized he was trying to pretend to deny the fact he was dying and none of them could do anything about it, except keep him sane because they didn’t know.

He was trying his best not to cry because he was afraid if he cried, everybody would cry too.

“I didn’t want to worry you, everybody has their own problems they have to deal with and I didn’t want to be another one of those problems. I’m sorry, I really am.” Yesung said as apologetically as he could without breaking down.

“Hyung-ah, we’re family, remember? And family stick together, no matter what!” Donghae’s previous anger outside in the hall had been forgotten and he tried to smile as bright as he could, silently hoping everyone would follow him and do the same.

“Yesung Fighting!” he said, encouragingly punching a fist into the air. He looked at everyone else, silently pleading.

“Yesung Fighting!” he said again, this time joined by all 14 of them, even Teukie who had been silent the whole time.

Yesung laughed, his first since they arrived, and smiled widely, tears running down his cheeks.

Because even then, in the back of his mind, he was crossing his fingers and counting the days until he would leave.

-----

Since then, all of them visited whenever they could. Eeteuk visited every other day, sometimes when Yesung was asleep, sometimes when he was awake.

When he was asleep, Eeteuk would just sit there, and when the crimson peonies next to his bed were starting to wither, he would buy new ones and switch them before Yesung woke up.

Sometimes he ran into the other members, Han Geng and Henry the most, because Henry couldn’t leave the dorms without one of the other members with him and Han Geng always volunteered.

Donghae and Eunhyuk would often come, sometimes twice a day several times during the week. Eunhyuk went with Eeteuk after Sukira broadcasts when Donghae wasn’t available and always did his best to make sure Yesung was laughing or smiling.

His family used to visit once every week, but then his mother couldn’t bear to see her eldest son bed-ridden and sickly pale. His brother still visited every week but he didn’t run into him often.

He remembered when he was leaving Yesung’s hospital room after an hour-long visit, running into Han Geng and Henry.

“Teukie-ah! You’re leaving?” Han Geng asked him, Henry behind him with violin and bow in hand.

“I’m going to be late, I have Sukira to do in half an hour.” Eeteuk answered casually, smiling.

“Ah, okay. Henli, let’s go then. Bai bai, Teukie!”

The older Chinese member grabbed Henry’s wrist, pulling him along as the younger boy tried to keep up.

“Gege, slow down!” Henry said in Chinese, earning him a laugh and a teasing from the older male.

“You can dance so fast but you can’t keep up with me?” Han Geng said in playful Chinese.

“Ah, you’re cruel…”

Eeteuk smiled at how close the two had become since their year-long stay in China and started to walk in the opposite direction.

When he realized he left his car keys back in the hospital room.

“Aish…”

He turned around and walked as quickly as he could. He stopped at the door, about to knock when he heard the three talking.

“…dancing was perfect as usual, Hannie. I watched you perform “U” today, and Henli was very good! I think he might be better at the hip thrusting than you are, Hannie.”

At this, he heard Yesung and Han Geng laugh, and peeking through the crack in the door, he saw Henry’s cheek quickly darkening from dusty rose pink to deep crimson red.

“Well, I have a good teacher…” he muttered, glancing at Han Geng from the corner of his eyes. It was Han Geng’s turn to blush darkly now and he scratched the back of his head and coughed.

“Ah, Hannie, it’s a bit soon to being doing things like that with Henli, don’t you think?” Yesung asked, with a teasing and suggesting tone, no doubt smiling widely.

“Yesung!” Han Geng exclaimed in shock and embarrassment, as his blush darkened further, if that was even possible.

At this Yesung laughed again, obviously getting the result he wanted. After he finished though, he was back to normal again.

“Henli-ah, can you play a song for me?” He couldn’t see Yesung’s face, but he could see Henry nod in reply.

“What do you want me to play?” the younger boy asked, resting his violin on his shoulder.

“Inhyeong. The song Teukie and I sang at the Super Show.” His voice was sweet and endearing as he said Teukie’s name.

“When are you going to tell him, Sungie?” Han Geng asked.

“I can’t. It would just hurt more.” Yesung replied. There was a rustle of sheets and a light screech of wooden chairs sliding across tiled floors.

After he heard this, Eeteuk turned around and left, deciding to leave his keys behind this time, knowing Han Geng would bring them home later and call him to tell him.

He opened his cell and dialed Eunhyuk to tell him to pick him up on his way to the radio station.

“Yoboseyo?”

-----

Writer's Block: Where Names Come From

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 00:56:25 GMT

Is there a story behind your real name or avatar? How did you end up being called that?

View 500 Answers

There's not much of a story behind my name xDD

I'm Asian (azn) and I'm addicted to K-pop. What more is there to say about it?

I came up with it because my friend said that if K-pop was banned, I'd probably leave the country just to listen to it still xDDD

Relieving Boredom

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:26:49 GMT

The other day my friend randomly texts me out of nowhere on AIM and asks me what I look for in a guy and what don't I look for, resulting in this very random journal post.

~~but if she's gonna try and set me up on a date i'm gonna kill her especially if it turns out to be junho~~

I really should be working on my oneshot but at the moment, it's still too early and I just had the worst sleep of my life.
~~Who likes to wake up at 5:25 AM and not be able to fall asleep until 8:42 in the morning?~~

So if you're as bored as I am and willing to read and comment on anything, here's something. Honestly I don't care if anybody comments at all, I'm just relieving boredom ~~hence the subject of this post~~

What I Look For in a Guy:

♥Smarts. No offense, but I don't want to date someone who has the intelligence quota of a 5th grader. But I don't want to date someone who brags about how smart he is. That's just annoying.

♥He has to be taller than me. Period. There are two reasons for this : One, I feel awkward dating someone who's obviously shorter than I am ~~I'm already short to begin with this shouldn't be hard~~ Two, I want them to be able to hug me around my shoulders ~~gah that was embarrassing to admit~~

♥I like romantics. It's just a sweet/fluffy feeling when a guy tells you he loves you and gives you roses.

♥He has to know how to cook xD I'm sorry if it sounds ridiculous, but after living with my dad, you'd probably understand.

♥He has to be sweet/warm/caring. I don't really mind if he acts tough around other people, but he can't act totally uncaring.

♥He has to like music ~~preferably music that I like~~. If he can play an instrument and dance well, he's good in my book.

♥He has to be ASIAN. Not being racist but I find myself attracted only to guys of the Asian type, like Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Vietnamese, and the sort. Also my parents prefer that I date Asian boys anyway...=.=

What I Absolutely Hate in a Guy:

♥He's arrogant. I hate people who think they're so perfect that they have to insult anybody about it.

♥Shallowness. I don't like guys who just date a girl for just their looks and nothing else.

♥Over-possessive. A little possessiveness is cute and sweet but a lot is just going overboard. I like a little possessiveness but not to the point where he would get jealous of every one of my guy friends.

Well, that's all for now but expect more in the future.